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[theme music]
archived recording 1
Love now and for always.
archived recording 2
Did you fall in love?
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Just tell her I love her.
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Love is stronger than anything you can feel.
archived recording 5
For the love.
archived recording 6
Love.
archived recording 7
And I love you more than anything.
archived recording 8 (SINGING)
What is love?
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Here’s to love.
archived recording 10
Love.
anna martin From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love.” Today, relationship drama in spin class.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Before we get into it, I just got to say, I take a lot of spin classes.
archived recording 11 3, 2, 1. Let’s go.
anna martin And there are so many social dynamics in these sweaty, dark rooms.
archived recording 12 Keep fighting! Come on!
archived recording 13 Rev that gear now.
archived recording 14 We do not quit.
archived recording 15 Self-pity is poison. [GRUNTING]
anna martin The dynamics between you and the other riders, between you and yourself, between you and the instructor. The spin instructor is your leader, your idol, your drill sergeant.
christi clancy I’m the dominatrix. [LAUGHS]
anna martin Christi Clancy knows all about this relationship because she herself is a spin instructor.
christi clancy What I love about it is you’re sitting in the front of the room. Everybody’s there. They’re all waiting to begin. They chit chat. And then my favorite moment is when I walk to the door, and then I shut it.
anna martin I’m getting chills. I’m getting chills.
christi clancy Because the power shifts to you at that moment. They’re waiting for you to tell them what to do. So you’re the god of the spin room for 50 minutes or an hour, however long the class is.
anna martin For Christi, the studio is a kind of alternate reality. It’s a place where she can control a lot — the pace of her class, her music, how hard she gets people to work. But years ago, when someone unexpected walked into her class, Christi decided to exercise her power in a different way.
So, Christi, your “Modern Love” essay was published in 2011, and it starts with you getting ready to teach your spin class, just like usual. You’re dimming the lights. You’re cueing your music. But then someone walks in who totally throws you off. It’s your best friend’s ex-husband. This is a guy who, two years ago, left your best friend for another woman, right?
christi clancy Yes, and not only was he there, but he showed up with his new girlfriend.
anna martin Oh, my God. He showed up with the woman he’d left your best friend for.
christi clancy Exactly. I was not at all prepared to encounter them. I couldn’t imagine why on Earth of all the classes they could go to, of every exercise they could do, why were they in my spin class?
anna martin Had you seen him prior to him walking into your spin class, or was this the first time you’d seen him since the divorce?
christi clancy This was the first time I’d seen him up close since the divorce.
anna martin Wow.
christi clancy And I didn’t see him. I didn’t talk to him. I had no idea where he came down on everything that had happened.
anna martin Mm-hmm, and he had initiated the split, right?
christi clancy Yeah, he did. She had told me that they were drinking coffee on their porch, and it was a day just like any other day. And he looked at her, and he said, I’m leaving you. And she didn’t know that that was coming, and she was totally shocked and surprised. And I don’t know how you absorb that kind of body blow.
anna martin Yeah.
christi clancy And on top of everything, as she was processing the pain of dealing with the separation, she shortly thereafter received a bad diagnosis. She had cancer.
anna martin Oh, my God.
christi clancy So I would go with her to her chemo infusions, which is not fun at all. It’s just really hard to watch your friend sit there with a needle in their arm and a sack of chemicals being absorbed into her body. And at night, when she didn’t feel good, she would want someone to stay at her house because she didn’t have her own spouse to help look after her. So I would stay in the guest room, and then if she felt sick in the middle of the night, I could help her out or just like rub her back or be a good friend for her. So I think that experience made the absence of her husband seem even more giant.
anna martin Hmm. What were you thinking as you helped her through this incredibly difficult time? Were you thinking of the guy who’d left?
christi clancy I guess I did. Yeah, and I also knew that he felt terrible. I don’t know. When you leave someone, you don’t think — you know you’re going to hurt their feelings, but you don’t think that they’re also going to face one of the challenges of their life. And I think he probably felt like he should have been there. I think he knew that, too. So when he walked into my spin room with his girlfriend, they just seemed so happy and carefree, like it was just another spin class. But in that moment, all I could think was, wow. I can’t believe you’re so happy, and my friend is struggling.
anna martin Mm-hmm. But what happened next? They walk in, and then what?
christi clancy So they got on their bikes, and I started teaching. And I think I was probably a little off. I don’t know that I really had my rhythm with the class going because I was so preoccupied. Like, oh, my gosh. These guys are there. And then as if it couldn’t get any worse, they leaned into each other and kissed.
anna martin Ugh.
christi clancy And I wished that I had a friend there that I could look at them and say, oh, my God, did you see that?
anna martin Yeah, wait, let me just pause, because I have never seen anyone kiss in a class. Did that kiss escalate things for you?
christi clancy I think it did. I think it made me wonder what on Earth could be going through their minds to kiss in front of me? I felt like it was trying to make a point. Like, we’re here. We’re a couple. Get used to it. Get over it. This is what the reality is now. I took it personally. I thought this must be a message that they want me to hear. It made me just want to let them have it.
anna martin But then, Christi, the next weekend, you’re teaching spin again, and in walks your best friend’s ex-husband and his new girlfriend. They came again to your class, right?